You oughta be in podcasts
You’re wonderful to hear
You oughta be in podcasts
You’re music to our ears!
Your voice would thrill a nation
Whether you are short or tall
You’d make a great sensation
You won’t be paid at all
(with grave apologies to Heyman and Seusse)
Good afternoon, gentle readers. I suspect you’re wondering why we’ve called you together today. We are here to discuss an important matter.
You may recall that River and Jason, back in bygone days known as “2008” began a writing project known at the time as “Hey, we should totally write a podcast.” Since that time, the project has gone through several phases, including “What the hell were we thinking?” “This is really harder than I thought it would be,” and, “I can’t even think about this thing right now, oh god, why won’t these characters leave me alone?” Throughout each of these iterations, we’re pleased to note, we have generally enjoyed the process quite a bit.
Recently, the project has entered a whole new phase. Now, we’re calling it “You know, we’re actually pretty close to done with this thing. Guess we should start recording it eventually, eh?”
And that, we hope, is where several of you come in. At last count, we discovered that we have written a story with more than thirty characters (though many of them don’t need a unique voice: Thug #2, for instance, probably doesn’t need to be that distinct from Man With Gun three episodes earlier.)
Most of the large roles were written with specific people in mind, so our leads are covered (for better or worse). What we need, at the moment, are some friends who are willing to help us with those roles that actually make the story move forward in some key elements…and, yes, also some fun bit parts such as the aforementioned Thug #2.
So, consider this our official casting call for the podcast. If you’re interested in learning more, read on. If not…um, don’t. We’ll cover the highlights Q&A style.
Question: When are you recording?
Answer: Our initial recording sessions will take place in Chicago over the weekend of June 11th-13th. The plan at the moment is to get together for some read-throughs on Friday evening, spend all day Saturday recording (obviously we don’t need everyone there all day), then again on Sunday. There will likely be a cast get-together on Saturday night.
Question: What if I don’t live in Chicago?
Answer: We’d love to import voice talent. One of our leads will be flying in from Missouri, and another contributor currently lives in England. We can probably find a place for you to crash if you can get yourself here.
Question: What sorts of roles are open?
Answer: The partial list includes our lead character’s ex-girlfriend, two carnies, one long-lost distant cousin, a priest, various members of a biker gang, and approximately eight coffee shop waitresses. Some are funny characters, others are deadly serious.
Question: I am not a professional actor. Is that a problem?
Answer: Um. No, that is not a problem.
Question: What about money? I am a madly talented voice actor.
Answer: We won’t charge you a dime!(**)
Question: I am not available during your recording window. Am I out of luck?
Answer: Not necessarily. We’re certainly not going to get this whole thing done in a weekend, so we’ll be doing some smaller recording sessions after this one is complete.
Question: Do you take bribes? I really have my heart set on that "Man with Gun" role.
Answer: I am shocked – SHOCKED- that you would even need to ask this question. If you know us at all, you know that, yes, of course we accept bribes.
Question: I’m so in! What should I do now?
Answer: The best way to contact us is by email at river.roberts at gmail dot com and hess42 at gmail dot com. Or if you have one of our numbers, just call. Or comment here, if you prefer.
So, friends and soon-to-be podcast voice talent: any other questions coming up for you? Post ‘em here in the comments and we’ll do our best to answer.
(**Actually, this is a lie. We will probably pass around a hat for donations to cover the rental of our recording space.)
