Reader Question Wednesday #3!

Happy Reader Question Wednesday! We had four questions this week... all from the same person... but that's okay. That's nearly 35% of our readership. (Okay, not really. But I'm really bad at math and prone to hyperbole.)

Anyhow - thanks for the questions! I've set my Pandora radio to a "music to blog to" station, so let's get right down to it. Answers will come in the order the questions were received:


1) What DOES Jason want for his upcoming birthday, now that you mention it?

Jason is a little busy right now, as he is getting married in a little over two weeks - and has been extremely busy pulling together all of the last minute details. However, I made a few not-so-subtle threats that I would make up a birthday list for him that included expanding his Precious Moments collection - aka, horrifying figurines of sad-eyed children. And no one wants that.

(Did you know that there's actually a Precious Moments chapel? And it's in Missouri... where Jason happens to be from. Connection? You decide.)

Unfortunately for me, my threats worked. Here's his actual birthday list:

"Jason's greatest desire, of course, is for world peace and understanding, so if you can hook that up, that would be great. As an alternative, funny t-shirts from www.thinkgeek.com are always welcome."


2) What's the timeframe on the podcast? When can I expect to hear an episode, in other words? I'm droolin' here!

Well, wipe yourself off. That's unseemly. And may I remind you that patience is a virtue?

I would love to say that you would be able to download an episode by Labor Day... but I've always been one for unrealistic dreams. (Ergo, I'm writing scripts for an audio drama podcast.) But if we manage to pick up the pace again after Jason and his lovely bride are married and sufficiently recovered from their wedding... I would hazard a guess that we will have the first episode sometime this winter. Watch the blog for a casting call sometime in the near future if you'd like to audition to be a part of it!

3) So what sort of music would Alex listen to? How about Viper? What's on their most-frequently-played list?

I've been racking my brain all day to come up with something to answer this question, and I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't been able to pin Alex down. I'm hoping Jason has some ideas - and that he might post them.

Viper, though... assuming you could even find his apartment, and then crack his encrypted files to get to his music collection - would probably have the following playlist:

• When he's hacking a government agency or financial institution, I think he plays electronica á la VNV Nation or something that makes him feel powerful.
• I think he has a special playlist for "the ladies" that includes Barry White, among others. He hasn't played anything off this list in at least two years.
  
• But I really think what he loves to listen to when no one else is around... maybe not even Alex... is anything off of Dr. Demento's playlist. If you go back far enough in the archives, there's even a song called "If You're a Viper" ... coincidence?
  

(Actually, yes. Totally a coincidence... but cool, no?)

4) What's Alex's sign anyway?

I'm thinking Taurus. Alex is a little slow to act at the outset of our story ... but once he sets his mind to his task, he displays an inordinate amount of perserverance.


Thanks for the questions! As always, feel free to ask us questions or make comments at any time.

Cream or sugar?

I was scrolling back through the characters that we've introduced you to thus far, and I think we've hit just about all the major ones... or at least the ones that will have the most impact on the plot. However, I think we have committed a gross miscarriage of justice by not introducing the most important character in the entire series. Before Viper, before Olga, before even our hero Alex... there exists a towering personality. This character is archetypal in sweep - pulls the entire plot together, and delivers the story to its exciting and inevitable conclusion...




I speak, of course, of the Waitress.

Waitresses, actually.

Okay, I might be exaggerating a teeny bit. The Waitress, while often pivotal in that she provides an opportunity for Alex to give or receive information, is not the most important character in the show. But she and her many incarnations sure show up a lot.

What can I say? Alex likes to eat. We have already established that he likes Reubens. And he is on the road an awful lot throughout the entire series. He's going to end up at diners, bars, and coffee shops across the country. I am often on the road for work -- and while I should be better about packing food in advance for a roadtrip, I rarely do. And I end up at diners, bars, and coffee shops across the country. Alex has to leave town in a bit of a hurry, and even though Viper is a good friend... I doubt that he packed him a cooler full of lunch meats and Doritos.

Jason and I often joke that if Alex is at a diner, bar, or coffee shop at one point in the episode, it's probably one that I wrote. This is not always true of my scripts, to be fair. But there is some truth to it.

Could it be that at the time of this post, I am doing the voices for all of the Waitresses that Alex meets as he travels across the country... many of which allow me to speak in my own accent? Maaaaybe. This is not to say that if the right person walks through the door when we begin our audition process that is perfect for the Waitress in Minneapolis, we wouldn't give it to her.... or him for that matter.

But for now, I get to ask how you like your coffee.

How do you like your coffee, anyhow?

Call me Viper. It's my hacker name.

Everyone should have That One Friend.

That One Friend is the guy you call when you’re lost in the middle of Amarillo and need someone to look up directions to your hotel. She’s the friend who calls you on your shit when you can’t see past your own nose to the obvious solution that’s right in front of you.

Maybe, just maybe, he’s the friend you turn to when the world is ending.

In our story, That One Friend is named Paul. You can call him Viper. Viper Apex.

If Alex is the hero of our story (and ultimately, he is), then Viper is his sidekick. He’d describe himself as Obi Wan Kenobi, but let’s be honest – he’s probably more like Jar Jar Binks.

(Just kidding. Nobody in this story is like Jar Jar.)

Viper, it must be noted, can be a complete idiot. He’s a computer geek, a science fiction geek, a roleplaying geek. He’s usually the smartest person in the room, if only because he’s often the only person in the room. He claims that he’s not allowed to leave the state due to some “outstanding legal issues that led to his unfortunate incarceration some time ago.” In truth, he’s still on probation for hacking the university mainframe in an effort to change a girl’s GPA. He not only got caught, the girl never even knew his name.

So, yeah. He’s that guy. But he’s a solid friend, and he always has been. When Alex needs help, he knows that Viper is the one person he can turn to without hesitation. They’ve been friends for almost 20 years, and honestly I don’t know how they originally met. River and I were talking about this relationship a while ago, and it occurred to me that if they’ve been friends since they were 10…well, you don’t really need a reason for being friends at that age. That’s one of the best parts about being that age.

He fills an interesting role in our universe. It's been said that everyone is the hero in his (or her) own story, but I'm not so sure that this is true for Viper. He's one of those rare people who is content to be a supporting character. He's like the character actor who always plays That One Guy - you might not remember the actor's name, but you'll remember that you liked him in that one movie that you can't reliably remember the name of.

The thing is, Viper may be bad with women. He may be a complete dork. He may speak in codes that only he understands. But in his way, he's incredibly competent. That "Call and ask for directions in the middle of Amarillo" thing? That's the tip of the iceberg. If you want to know where something is, you call Viper. If you want a 2 minute summary of the best way to lose someone tailing you, you call Viper. If you need to borrow his truck on no notice because it's time to hit the road and find someone to sucker into taking over the job that you were born to do, Viper will give you his keys without a second thought. His ideas might be brilliant or they might get you into more trouble than you were in to begin with, but he'll always be able to tell you which episode of McGuyver he stole the idea from.

From a storytelling standpoint, Viper is a great character for one simple reason. We like Viper, a lot. River and I are both a bit more like him than we should probably admit, and that makes him pretty easy to write, and our readthroughs with him are great fun. We're also very protective of him - as we would be in real life, come to think of it - and I suspect that choosing someone to voice Viper will be a challenge. I suspect this will be the only character for whom we would not accept bribes in exchange for serious consideration for the role. It's good to know that we have some standards, anyway.

Ist gut, ja?

As Jason said when he introduced the world to his GPS, our characters are not based on real people. Or if they are, we don't know them.

Rather, we create characters when the plot demands it... or, more often than not, one of our friends has a silly personality quirk and we feel a need to immortalize it. (Or even more often ... one of the two of us has a personality quirk that we want to exploit. See the post about Aunt Olga to understand what I mean.)

Klaus, the owner of the rival magic shop, was created solely because my friend Doug can do an awesome German accent - and sustain it well for a long period of time. I know this because Doug and I have a long-standing Sunday morning tradition. We meet at a coffee shop in our neighborhood, have fantastic coffee, and do the New York Times crossword together. (My love of Reuben sandwiches is only surpassed by my love of puzzles.) Inevitably, we get a little silly while doing the puzzle together... and often end up doing the last half while speaking in a number of ridiculous accents.

No, really... we think it's fun.

Once, Doug tried out his noticeably fake French accent for a while. About 10 minutes later, we both realized that the three women at the end of the long table where we were sitting were all actually speaking French. I don't think they noticed, and we weren't deliberately trying to mock them. But what are the odds??

Anyhow, I digress.

Klaus was originally more of a side character, and while critical to the storyline, not all that involved with the larger story. Then, he started to become a bit more insistent, and demanded to play a more pivotal role. I'll admit that he started out a bit campy, but now he is becoming a really intriguing figure, and I have much more respect for the man. I'm kind of anxious to see where he ends up.

Klaus is also an opportunity for us to fold in a bit more of the esoteric and magical aspects of the story and the mythology behind it. I'm not sure why, but we'd been shying away from it a little - even though the entire plot has a rather magical premise. I don't think it was intentional - I just think we needed some time to figure out how this alternate world works. Klaus is helping us understand it. He's got a background in ceremonial magic - although his magic shop is of the card trick and rabbit-from-a-hat variety, just like the shop owned by Alex's family. But Klaus has a wealth of knowledge and experience that is quite different - and he's opened the door for that kind of mystery to come through.

I think I'd like to add that Klaus is extraordinarily good at crossword puzzles, but that might be pushing it. I can only get in so many quirks, after all.

By the by... in addition to being able to do silly accents, Doug is also an amazing collage artist based here in Chicago, whose work is getting quite a bit of well-deserved buzz these days. Check out his online gallery.

The post River might later regret

This is me. (Photo by Cathryn Montoya):

This is Madame Olga. (Photo by Jenny Brown) She's reading cards for unsuspecting bystanders. She looks surprisingly like me, but more embarrassing:


This is my cat reading cards. (Photo by me) It has nothing to do with this post. I just think it's adorable.




When Jason and I first started envisioning this story, we knew that we had to weave together a number of different elements, such as: two magic shops that happen to be remarkably near each other, Reuben sandwiches, and Olga. I'm still not sure how I agreed to this, but I did -- and Aunt Olga was born. (And yes, despite these story ingredients, I still maintain that we are not writing a comedy.)

Madame Olga and Aunt Olga are completely different characters. Madame Olga is someone who appears on an annual basis and gives horrible tarot readings to people at the retreat center where Jason and I met during a leadership training intensive. There's one night that is devoted to this sort of silliness. I get all gussied up, grab a deck of cards, and insult people in a poor excuse for a Slavic accent. I sort-of-kind-of speak passable Russian, have a very Slavic family, and have traveled extensively through Eastern Europe, so for the untrained ear - I can pull it off. And we've worked in a reason why she might not sound quite Russian, in order to avoid comments from the purists out there. But you'll have to listen to the show to find out what I mean.

Aunt Olga is a distant cousin of Madame Olga. However, there are some striking similarities: she speaks in a poor excuse for a Slavic accent and she insults people. Namely Jason. I mean... Alex, whose voice is provided by Jason. But that's about where the similarities end. In our story, she lives in the magic shop, likes her vodka, doesn't get out much, plays the ponies, and swears a lot.

On second thought, maybe they are the same.

They do dress differently though... and Aunt Olga actually looks like she's in her 80s. Not a woman in her mid-30s who appears to have lost her mind... or at least her self-respect.

I'm actually looking forward to playing Olga -- and not just because she gets to insult Jason... I mean, Alex. (Sheesh! I keep doing that!) Olga speaks to the part of me that loves to make a fool out of herself and have a blast doing it. And really, that's what this whole project is about for me... having a blast while feeding my need for a creative outlet. It's not necessary, it's not going to help the world, it's not even going to make money... but damn, I am enjoying the process.

I'm looking forward to introducing you all to Aunt Olga. Please excuse her for being rude. She's had a rough century.

Drive 3.4 miles and jump off a cliff

A few people have asked if our characters are based on anyone from our real lives. While I think any writing endeavor leads to some overlap, for the most part we’re making these characters up from whole cloth with just a few quirks added from ourselves or our friends. (Some people would call this “lazy,” but I call it “efficient”)

There’s one notable exception to this rule, though – one character that’s absolutely based on a real entity. It’s Mags, the haunted GPS.

A little background might be in order: A few years ago, my job involved quite a lot of local travel. I had 11 locations throughout the Chicago suburbs that I was responsible for, and they were spread out enough that I often didn’t know the best route between them off the top of my head. To keep myself from going insane, I bought a GPS unit for my car, programmed it with all of those locations and used it pretty extensively until I knew the lay of the land. I was pleased to note that the model I bought offers two accents: “American” and “English”. Being who I am, I felt like it would be more amusing to have the machine talking to me with a bad, robotic English accent, so that’s the one I selected. Overall I was quite pleased with the thing.

One thing I noticed about the GPS, though. It’s a fickle, fickle piece of technology. When I go off-route, it seems to get annoyed and will take an inordinate amount of time before it deigns to tell me how to get back on the right path. And if I ask it to find me a bowling alley or a miniature golf course? Well, that’s an exercise in futility. I’ve been sent to bars, vacant buildings, miniature golf courses that closed 5 years ago, and most notably the middle of a corn field while in search of these plebian entertainments.

Obviously, my GPS unit is possessed by a snooty English ghost.

So, too, is Alex’s. Her given name is Lady Margaret something or other, but we just call her Mags. As our story develops, she begins to take on more and more personality, and eventually will move beyond “technological foil” and into a character in her own right. She has her own motivations, and a bit of a jealous streak as well.

Mostly, though, Mags provides an opportunity for River to abuse me verbally. For some reason she enjoys saying things like, “Turn left and drive 300 miles…you idiot.”

So there's this guy, right?

I have always marveled at writers who become consumed with their characters. I've heard story after story from authors who claim their characters begin to speak to them on a regular basis - and then their stories begin to write themselves. I don't think we're necessarily at that point - although the story has definitely begun to take on a life of its own, and I certainly have started to develop quite a soft spot for some of our main characters. Admittedly, these guys tend to hang around in my brain for a while after one of our writing meetings. I have only recently begun to experience the whole "characters talking to me" thing in a couple of other writing projects I'm working on, and I'll be honest... it kind of freaked me out. I never 100% believed in it before ... but it happened. And now I am really looking forward to the day that it happens with the podcast.

Maybe it's already started. Who knows? What I do know is that I like our characters. I want them to succeed. Not that I want to make it easy for them, because how boring is that? But I'm pulling for them.

Our main character is a guy named Alex Kirunov. Mid-twenties, Chicago native, although at the opening of our story we discover that he's been out of town and out of touch with the family for a while. And even though the other characters play some pretty major roles, this is ultimately his story.

And as I've said before, I like Alex. Were he a real person I think we'd be friends, although I think I'd probably worry a bit about his lack of ambition. But he's a good guy nonetheless. We have a little bit in common... we both love Reuben sandwiches. Remarkably, we both use the same rating scale. We have both spent a lot of time in Omaha, some of it against our better judgment. We both have many Slavic relatives. Mine are Czech and his are Russian - but let's not split hairs. We both know enough Russian to be dangerous - although I bet he knows more than I do, and I think he could teach me some choice words. I'm sure he's been sworn at more than once by certain family members. And we both have seriously geeky friends.

He also sounds remarkably like Jason. It's weird.

I mentioned before that we have a handful of scripts written, and Alex is starting to become a real person to me. I'm really looking forward to seeing how he continues to develop, and who he's going to become when this whole mess is over. If it ever truly ends. And if we ever truly get off our asses and start recording.

Which we will. We promise.